Sunday, February 10, 2013

Listen up!

 I was just told that someone made a disparaging remark on Facebook about the fact that we need to take one of our children with us for the gotcha trip and I would like to clear up some misunderstandings. (Before anyone asks... it doesn't matter who said what.  That's not what this post (rant, diatribe, etc) is about.)

Yes, we are taking on of our children with us on our trip to bring Christiana home.

We are not taking our son who has autism. (Deacon)  He will be staying here at home (his Rara (grandma) will be staying with him.. and with Jasper) because his autism would make a trip like this EXTREMELY traumatic for him.  He could not handle the sensory issues involved in airplanes, airports, new foods (he has feeding issues and gi issues), etc.  We will be spending almost 24 hours travelling nonstop.  We would never want to put him through that kind of stress and hardship.

We are taking our son James (who is 6).  He can handle the trip much better than our 3 year old can... and unlike Jasper... he will be able to benefit from this experience.

I want to stress this to everyone... WE ARE NOT doing this frivolously.  We aren't taking him because it will be "fun" or like some kind of vacation.  We're taking him because we need to take one of the kids with us and he is the child that will do the best on the journey and we hope that he will learn from this experience and grow in his spirit, heart, and mind.

There was some discussion about overnight layovers in foreign countries (Paris, for example) in one of the adoption groups.  I know that at least one family plans to do this.  If our flight had an overnight or very long layover, (some do, most don't) it would be awesome to see a city like London, Frankfurt, or Paris (typical stops for flights to B).   But it's not likely and we're not tying to do that.  Sure, it would be fun... but it would also be a large, added expense.  We're trying not to have any of those!

We are VERY mindful of the money that we have been entrusted with!  Please note that I don't say "given".  We haven't been given these funds.  We've been entrusted with money that is intended for a specific purpose - paying for our adoption and adoption related travel expenses.  We are budgeting very strictly and have already planned to donate any remaining money (once we're home) to other families in need.  I've posted this before.

I don't look at this as "our" money.  I never have.  That's why I've always (with a couple of exceptions... money to pay shipping costs, for example) asked that donations be made to our FSP. I've wanted as much as possible to be designated "her" money so that if something happened with our adoption... Crista would have a better chance of finding a family - and that family would have an easier time bringing her home.

Once we're home, we plan to continue fundraising for other adoptive families and orphaned children.  We plan to begin with families who are still working toward their OWN gotcha trips.  There are a LOT of families out there who are in need and we plan to help them as much as we are able.

We are not treating this money frivolously and we will not waste any of  it.  We are doing what we feel is really necessary.

Once we're home (and before we leave if we can get our tickets bought and food/lodging paid for) I will still be crafting, selling, donating, and advocating my butt off!  I know that some people see their gotcha trip as reaching "the end of the rainbow".  Let me tell you, folks, it's not.  You can ask anyone who has adopted... the gotcha experience is JUST THE BEGINNING.  It's just like having a baby.  Pregnancy ends once you give birth (adoption process), but a whole new journey begins at that point!  You're getting to know a whole new person and adding them into your family.  It's a process that changes everyone.

We haven't committed ourselves (and our lives) to just Christiana.  We've committed ourselves to orphaned children AND the families who are adopting them.  We plan to keep moving forward.  Whether that means just advocating and helping other families or adopting again in the future... I don't know.  I do know that we're in this for the duration.

And with that in mind... we will continue doing what we've done all along in this process.  We'll be budgeting, pinching pennies, crafting, fundraising, and trying to get the most impact from EVERY CENT we're entrusted with!

I'll try to wrap this up now.  Yes, we're still fundraising.  We still need around $400 to meet a small, last minute matching grant that was generously offered to us.  Once we have that, and the proceeds from the facebook auction that ends on Tuesday, we should have enough money to pay for our plane tickets, food, hotel, and embassy costs (pretty minor... an exam and a small fee, I think) for our daughter's visa to enter the US and become a United Stated citizen upon arrival.  That's it!  That's all we have left to raise... all we have left to do to complete our adoption and get our daughter home.

One more thing I would like to add...
This blog and my voice on facebook has done more than just record our adoption journey and boost our fundraising efforts.  I'm very proud to say that because we've shared this with all of you, seven families have come to me privately to either inquire about a particular child, ask advice about choosing an adoption agency, or for advice on committing to adopt a child.  It has also allowed me to have support when I've needed it during this last year.
Communication is an amazing thing.  I urge you to give it a try.  Many days you will think you have nothing to say... that no one will read it... that it won't matter.  I've thought these same things so many times.
But this week I was shown by my dear friend "Ammu" that I was wrong.  People are listening and my words matter.

I'm going to end (I know... finally!) with the Starfish Story because "it matters to this one" is my favorite message and one that we all should remember.

The Starfish Story

adapted from The Star Thrower

by Loren Eiseley
(1907 - 1977)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, so he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out, "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

As if he hadn't heard, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he turned, smiled and said, "It made a difference to that one!"

Make a difference.


  1. Sorry you felt like you needed to justify your decision. As a parent who has birthed 5 sons and adopted one I will say adoption was the much harder road....the whole 9 months of the adoption process and even now the 2 1/2 years since my boy has been home. So you hit the nail on the head when saying that "gotcha day" is just the beginning. We had some nasty things said about us with the worst being that the only reason we adopted a child with special needs was to get a monthly government check, something that had never even entered our minds. If I wanted extra money I would quit my hard "non-paying stay-at-home mom job" and go get a much easier "paying" job instead of adopting a child with special needs. And you're also right on it will be a challenge taking a 6 yr. old with on the journey. I could never have done. I told my 13 yr. old with on the 2nd trip b/c my husband couldn't go and I didn't want to go alone but he was more like and adult than a child. May God bless you all on the rest of your journey. I have the Starfish Story beside my kitchen sink.

    1. The funny thing is... the people who make comments about getting a "monthly government check" have no experience with disabilities. If they had, they would know that the "monthly government check" is tiny, not everyone qualifies for it, and often pays for little more than (or less than) the cost of therapies (not all are covered by insurance or Medicaid)and other items/services needed by your child. Anyone who thinks the parents of disabled children somehow profit from them is sadly mistaken.
      Many people mistakenly believe that all disabled adopted children automatically qualify for a "subsidy check" from the govt. Not true. Some states do offer a monthly subsidy check for the child if he/she is adopted from foster care. Texas does this. For children adopted internationally... this isn't an option. Because they weren't wards of the state before their adoption, they aren't eligible for anything like that.
      So yes... anyone who thinks adopting a child with special needs via international adoption will benefit you financially is just plain wrong!

  2. Lisa do not let this upset you or any other comments. Believe me I let to much upset me and daily I am in tears. Please just ignore any comments in picking up your daughter and let this be one of the happiest time ever. This will be one day you will remember and cherish in your entire life. My husband will not be able to travel and my son Patrick will help me during the trip.. Thank goodness we were lucky to have air miles for his tickets or he would not be able to travel with me. Remember what I said :O))) it will be okay. P.S> do you still need a jacket for your little one??