Why We're Adopting

Today a friend shared a conversation she had with a person who changed her mind about donating an item for our auction when she realized we were adopting Crista from overseas.  It was very sad and it frustrated my friend.  She has a kind and giving heart and was upset that someone would refuse to help a child just because she wasn't born in the United States.

I know that many people look at international adoption as a "status thing".   While I'm sure there are some people out there who adopt from abroad for that reason (they like the idea of an "exotic" or "special" child), most don't.  In fact, I've never met a single person adopting a special needs child internationally who thought this way.

When we decided to adopt our sweet daughter, it wasn't because we were planning to adopt a child or felt that our family needed to be larger.  The truth is... we felt a connection to this little girl.  It wasn't a case of "we want another child".  It was a case of "this child needs US".

We have been criticized for not saving/raising more money before beginning our adoption process.  The answer to that question (why didn't you wait) is pretty simple, too.  Crista's file was due to be returned to the ministry within two weeks unless someone stepped up to commit to her.  At the time, we thought this meant she would lose her only chance to be adopted because she is considered "un-adoptable" in her home country.  (Yes, I know some people would argue this point, but it it plainly and sadly stated in her referral paperwork)  We searched our hearts and took a leap of faith.  We decided that this sweet girl should be our daughter and we took the first steps needed to begin the adoption process.

We didn't realize that people would focus so much on where she was born!  In our minds, that was a minor detail.  Yes... travel would be a hurdle that we would have to overcome, but our focus was on her.  She needed a home, medical care and therapy and we could give those things to her.  After all, we already have a child who has autism and has needed many therapies and interventions in the past.  We felt good about the fact that we were already educated about and prepared for many of her special needs.

I know that there are many children here in the United States who need good and loving homes.  I know that the adoption of one of those children would be much less expensive and take less time.  I think domestic adoption is great.  It's a wonderful thing and needs to happen more often.  In the past, Jason and I had talked about domestic adoption as a "what if".

We never intended to adopt a child internationally.  But God chose differently for us.

I spent many hours praying and asking God if this was the path we should take.  I asked for guidance and a sign that we were doing the right thing.  I believe his answer was "yes".  Every time I've asked for guidance, I've gotten it in the form of encouragement from strangers, paperwork "miraculously" being processed super fast, receiving surprise donations or items or funds, and many other things.

I guess what I'm saying is please don't judge us if you don't know us.  We're not looking adopting from abroad because we want a "status child" or because we don't believe American children aren't just as deserving of a loving home.  We're adopting Crista from overseas because that's where she is!  If she had been born here, we would be adopting her domestically.  Heck, if she had been born on Mars, I would be trying to figure out how to book a space flight!  (just joking... kind of)

The point is... it doesn't matter where she was born.  She's a child and we're her family.  That's really all that should matter.

Don't be scared.

I've heard so many people comment that we're "brave" or "special" for adopting a special needs child.  Particularly one who may have FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). 
We're not.  We're ordinary people. 
I'll admit that we do have a bit of experience with disability and behavioral issues.  We have a 4 year old son who has autism. 

He's the handsome little man on the left.  His name is Deacon. 

Having a child with a disability/challenge doesn't make anyone special.  Choosing to adopt one doesn't make you special, either.  All it means is you've chosen not to let fear rule your choices.  You've chosen to love a child and accept them into your life. 

Take a look at these children and tell me what pops into your mind when you see them.  Sad, hurt, sick, scary, and unattractive.  These are words that have been used to describe these and other pictures of disabled, orphan children.

Some people look at these sweet, wonderful children and all they see is the outside.  All they see are the negative things in the photos.  They see an unhappy child, a child with scars and bad teeth.  They see a skinny, starving child who needs lots of medical care and a child with a large head.  They see the surface.  They see the superficial negatives.

Now I'll tell you what I see... what many of us who are adopting (or have adopted) these children see in these photos.  I see soft hands and chubby cheeks.  I see potential.  I see a skinny, starving child who has survived thanks to her strength and will to live.  I see a scared little girl who would be smilin if she had a hug and a bit of encouragement.  And finally... I see a bright happy smile glowing in a small face.  Despite her issues... she's smiling and her beautiful little soul shines through. 

Those are the things I see. 

Now I want you to look at a pair of pictures.  One is a visa photo taken of a sick, starving child just before she was brought home.  Some of you may recognize her.

Skinny, puffy eyes, sad, hopeless... these are the things that some people see.  They don't see the love hiding inside.  They don't see the beautiful, shining soul within.  
Now take a look at the next photo.   It was taken of her after being home for about a year for approximately 8 months.  She's had the love of a family and good medical care to help her heal.

Do you see the difference?   Many of you will say "wow... I can't believe it's the same child.  She's totally different!". 

Me?   Not so much. 
You see... I know that the child you see in the second photo was there all along... just waiting to come out.  Just waiting for a mama, dada, brothers, and sisters to help her show her light to the world.   I also know that the children in the other photos will bloom and shine, too.   They're just waiting for their families to help them do that. 

The next time I (or one of your other friends) posts a picture of an orphan for you to see.   Take a moment to look... REALLY look at that child.   Look past the tears, the scars... Look past the fear. 

Take a look and see a child who is waiting to bloom.  Waiting to shine.   Waiting to love and be loved.   Then ask yourself.  Are they waiting for me?
 

Why adopt from overseas?

I've been asked this question alot.  I thought it would be good to talk about it. 
The answer to that question is this... because that's where she is. 

Jason and I had had conversations in the past about adoption as a possibility.  To be very honest, back then we would have probably adopted through the foster system.  It costs less and the children here in the US deserve a good family just as much as any other child does.  We also wouldn't have such a language barrier to deal with.  We probably would have adopted a healthy child as well.  Back then... we thought that having a healthy child was very important. 

But then a couple of years ago I discovered Reece's Rainbow and began to learn about the truly heartbreaking lives these poor children lead.  I learned that some of them spend their whole lives in cribs and never learn to walk, talk, feed themselves, or PLAY.  Not because they're ill or they're too disabled to learn... but because they're left ALONE all day every day.  They're only given the most basic care (one meal a day... one diaper change a day) and sometimes not even that.

 Can you imagine a 10 year old who only weighs 10 lbs?  I can.  Can you imagine a 14 year old who only weighs 14 lbs and already has osteoporosis due to malnutrition?  I can.  Her name is Hasya.  The only reason for her small size and her condition is neglect.  She's been starved, neglected and abused her whole life.  She's spend her whole life in a crib.  She's the size of the average six month old BABY.

 Do you see this sweet girl?  Do you see where she's spent her whole life?  Day after day... every day?  How can anyone see this and NOT want to help? 

I've been helping find homes for these children for a while.  I've been helping families fundraise and spread awareness... and I've been donating to those families to bring their children home because it was all I felt like I could do. 

Then God called Jason and I to adopt.  I know that putting it that way may sound silly to some of you, but that's really how it was.... how it is.  We both felt called to do this.  And we both fell in love with this little girl...

Do you see her biting her lip? Do you see her holding the bear upside down?  How nervous she must be... maybe even a bit scared.  Until we got our updated photo of her in March, this was the ONLY photo of her. 

So this is another answer to the question "why go overseas to adopt?".  That question actually has many answers, but the most important one is still "because that's where she is". 

At the end of the day... it doesn't matter to Jason and I where she lives.  Sure, we would be happier if we didn't have to travel half way across the globe to get to her, but we will.  We would be happier if her adoption costs weren't so high, but we'll pay them... no matter what they are. 

If you're still asking "why" about all the difficult things we'll have to do in order to bring her home...the final answer is "because she's worth it".  They all are... every last child in this world is worth helping, worth saving.  Every child in the world... no matter where they're from is worth helping... worth saving.  Every last one of them. 

Jigsaw fundraiser!

JIGSAW PUZZLE FUNDRAISER

We are building our family, one puzzle piece at a time, literally! You can help us construct a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and bring our daughter home.

For just $5, you can have your name inscribed on the back of a piece of our adoption puzzle! Once it's completed, the puzzle will be framed between two sheets of glass, so that Christiana can see the beautiful picture on the front and the names of all the people who helped to bring her home to her forever family.

We look forward to showing you the stages of building our jigsaw puzzle and to sharing our journey of adoption. Through our blog, you can post comments and prayers, view photos and updates and make online donations.

If you look to the right side of this page, you'll see a "Chipin" button and a Reece's Rainbow FSP donation button.  You can donate to either by clicking on the "donate" or "chipin" buttons.  The Chipin link helps with our immediate adoption costs and isn't tax deductible.  The Reece's Rainbow button will help us with our later costs (like travel, visas, etc) and is tax deductible. 

Please remember to leave a comment here or email us after donating so we can put your name on your puzzle piece! 

If you'd like to mail a donation, please email Jason or Lisa at

infamy41@hot.rr.com or rhianonmat@hot.rr.com

Thank you for helping us grow our family and give a precious little girl the gift of a loving home and family!

A simple baby doll

On Tuesday, as I was shopping for groceries I happened to walk down the toy aisle.  I thought it would be fun to look at the pretty, girly toys and imagine buying them for my Christiana. 

As the mother of three sons, I've missed out on all of the girly fun.  From pretty dollies to princess costumes... I've always been a bit sad when I've looked at the girls' toys.  From the moment I discovered I was pregnant for the first time, I've had wistful dreams of eyelet dresses, tea sets, and dolls.  I think at some point, every mother daydreams of having a daughter. 

As I smiled at the bounty of pink in that aisle a small, soft "baby's first" doll caught my eye.  It seemed just the thing for our Christiana.  Small and soft... simple and cuddly.  A perfect first doll for our tiny girl. 

But then the realisation hit... this "baby's first" doll would really be her first doll.  Children in orphanages don't have toys of their own.  They don't have clothes of their own.  They don't have anything of their own at all.   The only things these children own are their names. 

In the "better" orphanages the children have toys to play with.  They don't have their own toys, but they do have toys to play with.  Christiana hasn't grown up in one of those "better" orphanages.  The orphanage where she's spent the first four and a half years of her life is at the other end of the spectrum.  Not only do the children there not have toys of their own, they don't have toys at all.  None. 

Can you imagine a small child being deprived of a simple ball... or a stuffed animal to love?  Can you even imagine how sad that is?  I can.  I did. 

As I stood in that toy aisle, holding that small, soft baby doll... it suddenly hit me just how little my daughter has had in her short life.  No mother, no father, no family.  No toys.... not even the comfort of a small, soft doll to hold when she's alone. 

So if any of you saw a lady in HEB on Tuesday, standing in the toy aisle and crying... that was me.

Woo Hoo!  It's official folks!  We are finally able to announce that we are officially adopting our Christiana and we are so excited.  Our Family Sponsorship fund has been set up on Reece's Rainbow and we're finally free to shout our joy from the rooftops! 
Meet our future daughter... Miss Christiana....

Sarah's smile...

God’s people are commanded to care for orphans. To see an orphan afflicted, and to turn a deaf ear, is sin, even rebellion.
· Exodus 22:22, “You shall not afflict any widow or orphan.”

How true this is.  I don't understand how people can turn away from these children... from this child. 
This is Sarah.  Isn't she beautiful.  She's so precious.  She's in the same orphanage with our girl.  Of all the children who have been listed for adoption so far, she's the only one who has had NO ONE inquire about adopting her.  Why, you may ask... because she's blind.  She was born with cataracts on her lenses. 
But just look at her... so lovely... so sweet.  Should the fact that she's blind make her less deserving of a loving family... less lovely or sweet? 

Isn't she beautiful... didn't I tell you?  Now let me show you a different photo... a photo of the same girl, but showing how sad.. how desperate and frightened she is.  This is a frightened child... without comfort... without a mama to tell her it will be alright... to hold and comfort her.

Please someone let this child into your heart.  She's crying out for a family and she only has until May.  Then the agency will have to return her file.  Please don't let this be the only little girl who isn't rescued from the "bad place".  What you may not realize is this... where she is, she has no future.  Because she's disabled, she'll be placed in an adult mental institution.  When disabled children are placed in those places... over 80% of them die during their first year.  How much of a chance do you think a tiny little blind girl has? 

Please, please consider opening your hearts and your home to this precious girl... to Sarah.  Don't turn your back on this little girl... don't be the reason that one more child in this world has to suffer.

A busy week so far

This week has already exhausted me... and it's only Tuesday! 

So far this week we've compiled and notarized our commitment paperwork to send to our daughter's birth country.  Yesterday I had to drive those documents to Austin to have them apostilled.  For those who don't know... apostilling is basically having an official government seal placed on notarized documents.  It's necessary for any documents that we have to send overseas.  For state and local ones... we have the apostilled at our state capital.  For others like our FBI background checks, they have to be sent to Washington DC to the Secretary of State's office to be apostilled. 

So yes... lots of printing papers, filling them out, getting them notarized and then driving for hours to get them apostilled.  ha ha. 

We've also gotten fingerprinted and sent them off along with our request for an official FBI background check. 

This morning... I took our apostilled commitment paperwork to the post office and sent it "next day" to a family who is also adopting from the same country that we are... and using the same adoption agency.  They'll be hand delivering our papers to our adoption attorney when they arrive in that country to see their own child.  I'm so very grateful to them for this.  First... because this means our paperwork won't get "lost in the mail" and second because this will save us a lot of time.  Because unless you want to pay a small fortune to FedEx... international mail is S-L-O-W. 


These are all the things I've accomplished just on Monday and Tuesday!  lol  For the rest of the week... I get to start more paperwork, start compiling our letters of employment and reference, and start the online adoption classes that are required for our adoption.  We each have to take a series of classes on topics like "attachment issues", "medical issues with internationally adopted children", and others.  Lots to learn. 

Although we're only required to take 10 hours of classes, I'm considering taking all of the classes offered.  It can't hurt and can only help, right?  More education is always a good thing and if it means I'll be better prepared to welcome her home... I'm all for it!

So that's it for the nuts and bolts post this week.  It's been busy, but so rewarding.

Dear Friends

Many of you may know from Facebook that I'm not very eloquent. Expressing myself with words is sometimes hard for me, so things may start out a bit awkward and slow as I learn to write and decide how to share this journey with you all. I would like to thank all of the wonderful ladies of the Reece's Rainbow group for helping me set up this blog.