Why We're Adopting

Today a friend shared a conversation she had with a person who changed her mind about donating an item for our auction when she realized we were adopting Crista from overseas.  It was very sad and it frustrated my friend.  She has a kind and giving heart and was upset that someone would refuse to help a child just because she wasn't born in the United States.

I know that many people look at international adoption as a "status thing".   While I'm sure there are some people out there who adopt from abroad for that reason (they like the idea of an "exotic" or "special" child), most don't.  In fact, I've never met a single person adopting a special needs child internationally who thought this way.

When we decided to adopt our sweet daughter, it wasn't because we were planning to adopt a child or felt that our family needed to be larger.  The truth is... we felt a connection to this little girl.  It wasn't a case of "we want another child".  It was a case of "this child needs US".

We have been criticized for not saving/raising more money before beginning our adoption process.  The answer to that question (why didn't you wait) is pretty simple, too.  Crista's file was due to be returned to the ministry within two weeks unless someone stepped up to commit to her.  At the time, we thought this meant she would lose her only chance to be adopted because she is considered "un-adoptable" in her home country.  (Yes, I know some people would argue this point, but it it plainly and sadly stated in her referral paperwork)  We searched our hearts and took a leap of faith.  We decided that this sweet girl should be our daughter and we took the first steps needed to begin the adoption process.

We didn't realize that people would focus so much on where she was born!  In our minds, that was a minor detail.  Yes... travel would be a hurdle that we would have to overcome, but our focus was on her.  She needed a home, medical care and therapy and we could give those things to her.  After all, we already have a child who has autism and has needed many therapies and interventions in the past.  We felt good about the fact that we were already educated about and prepared for many of her special needs.

I know that there are many children here in the United States who need good and loving homes.  I know that the adoption of one of those children would be much less expensive and take less time.  I think domestic adoption is great.  It's a wonderful thing and needs to happen more often.  In the past, Jason and I had talked about domestic adoption as a "what if".

We never intended to adopt a child internationally.  But God chose differently for us.

I spent many hours praying and asking God if this was the path we should take.  I asked for guidance and a sign that we were doing the right thing.  I believe his answer was "yes".  Every time I've asked for guidance, I've gotten it in the form of encouragement from strangers, paperwork "miraculously" being processed super fast, receiving surprise donations or items or funds, and many other things.

I guess what I'm saying is please don't judge us if you don't know us.  We're not looking adopting from abroad because we want a "status child" or because we don't believe American children aren't just as deserving of a loving home.  We're adopting Crista from overseas because that's where she is!  If she had been born here, we would be adopting her domestically.  Heck, if she had been born on Mars, I would be trying to figure out how to book a space flight!  (just joking... kind of)

The point is... it doesn't matter where she was born.  She's a child and we're her family.  That's really all that should matter.

Years Ago

Years ago I would tell my mom about my friend Ashley and her journey to adopt a little Serbian girl named Olive.  Olive the tiny... Olive the beautiful. 

My mom would ask about her... wondering how she was doing.  She would ask how she was adjusting to life in a family... with people who love her. 

Later I would tell my mom about Faith.  I would talk to her about Faith's journey to adopt Robyn and then her decision to adopt Etta. I would tell her about all of the other mothers I was meeting online.... about the lives of these children without families. 

During this time my Mom would ask "Why do these people spend money they don't have to adopt from over there when there are children here at home that could be adopted for so much less?  If they want another child, why not get one here?".  Like many of you, she didn't understand why they spent so much money and travelled so far.  She didn't understand why they did things "the hard way".

My mom would hear countless stories about Susanna and her mission to save little Katie... and how close she came to losing her before she ever came home.  Katie-bird was so fragile when Susanna travelled to her country to bring her home that she had to spend time in the hospital... and then have a nurse travel with them on their journey home so that Katie could survive the trip home to a larger hospital.  It was frightening... and inspiring.  Mom loved to hear Katie's story and to know that she was healing.  That she was cherished and loved. 

In hearing Katie's story and following it, my Mom finally learned those people did things "the hard way".  She no longer criticised or thought "they're crazy/stupid/idiotic" for adopting sick children who lived half way across the world... children who weren't healthy and would need a lifetime of care.  She understood. 

The day I told her that Jason and I were committing to adopt Christiana and told her all of the issues that we knew of and some that we only suspect... I expected to hear "adopt one at home", "you already have one disabled child, you don't need another", "how will you pay for it", "you can't handle it".  I expected her to disapprove.  I expected her to have the same attitude that others around me had - that it's fine and noble for people to adopt sick/disabled children, but it's not something "we" (family and friends) want to have in our own homes. 

I underestimated my mother.  Not only was she not critical of our decision, she and RaRa (grandma Rita) became our biggest supporters.  She shared our story at church and with everyone she knew.  She and Daddy put Christiana's photograph in their living room for everyone to see.  They told everyone about their newest grandchild-to-be, the little girl across the sea.  Even her hospice nurse knows all about Christiana and our adoption journey.  Her name is Crystal and she may be beginning the same journey soon. 

My mother passed away on Wednesday evening and I don't know how to live without her. 

Since my oldest son James was born (and Mom retired), we've spent almost every day of our lives together.  And when we couldn't see each other due to illness or life interrupting... we spoke on the phone.  She has been my best friend for the last 7 years.  She's been the person I turned to first after my husband who is the other half of my heart and soul.  She's been my cheerleader, my rock, my inspiration. She taught me how to raise my children and that it's OK to be less than perfect.  She taught me how to love unconditionally... to give without expecting anything in return because the greatest reward isn't in the receiving, it's in the giving.  It's in seeing a face light up with joy. 

I walk though life thinking things like "Mom would love those earrings" and "I should tell Mom about that".  But I can't.  I can't buy her pretty things anymore or share the latest news.  I have a loving husband, and loving Rita, and 3 beautiful. loving sons.  But I feel alone in a crowd.  No one will ever understand me (and misunderstand me) the way my Mom did. 

I've learned one thing from my Mom's death.  I've learned the last lesson she had to teach me - that no matter how old you are, your mother is the center of your heart.  I've learned how very much my children must love and need me.

I've learned how vital a mother is to a child. 

Soon... we will have travel dates.  We will have permission to meet our daughter across the sea.  Knowing how much she must need me, even if she doesn't know it, yet breaks my heart. 

Please... please help us get to her.  Help me give my daughter what my Mom gave me.  Love.  Unconditional and eternal love.  Help me hold her and teach her a mother's love for her child. 

Guest post from Rita (RaRa)

 

Ann, Lisa's mom came into my life 20 years ago because my only child, my son met the love of his life. She is my friend, the only woman I would wish to be his mother and he calls her mom.

 

God, please help me retype this as I am in tears and need to do this for her. You see throughout the years we have prayed many times together, laughed, cried and shared our innermost selves. My children were blessed with finding a relationship with God through finding this LIFE purpose of helping children. We talked about what a blessing that God is so much a part of their lives now and that as parents that is a gift that we wanted for our children. We KNOW they have God in their lives. 

 

We are grateful to all who helped them on this journey to find God. Everyday that she suffers I pray with her as we always did out loud and to our God, she can not participate aloud as in the past but I believe that she is praying with me as always. Will she get better, no... never.  I ask that all of you pray for her and for us.

 

 Ann has been so excited about Christiana (Carissa) and supportive of her adoption.  We wanted her safe in our arms. She and I could not wait to be her Granny and RaRa. We even laughed because we carry the same middle name (Ann) and wanted the kids to name her Carissa ANN.  Then God intervened again and we found out her true name is Christiana  Oh how we praised God and laughed.

 

See, God gave her to us and made sure our name will go on. I promise my dear Ann I will make sure that she knows that she HAS two grandmothers. Granny in heaven watching over us and RaRa carrying on her others grandmother's legacy. Although, you will not physically be here, when I hold Christiana I will be holding her with you.

 

Is this the right time to say this?   I believe so because I know my friend and fellow Grandmother, Ann. 

We need your help to make our baby girl get home, financially we are NOwhere close to where we need to be. So for Ann and I, Christiana's grandmothers, please make sure our baby is safe with us and her family by make a donation to get her here.

 

 Ann, I love you and wish you God speed. Pray for us as we face this time. God bless, your friend and fellow grandmother, RaRa

Sorry for the lapse

It seems I've failed in promising to blog more.  Things have been so hectic in our lives during the past few weeks. 

Our good news is, we've been chosen as sponsored families for Ten For Orphans for the month of September and also for the Hidden Treasures auction for October.  I'm praying that these fundraisers will help our efforts. We really need the help at this point.  We're sadly underfunded.  Anyone who would like to help with the Hidden Treasures auction, please read this post to find out how!!

Another bit of good news is that our dossier is in country!  A wonderful mom named Aimee took it with her on her own adoption trip and hand delivered it to our lawyer.  Christiana's country had a national holiday in July/August, so the ministry is just getting back to work.  Hopefully they'll get to our dossier soon and give us a travel date in October.  Although we don't have the funds right now... we're really hoping for a travel date soon.  We hope God will keep speeding us along in our adoption the way that he has since the beginning and provide good travel dates and the funds to buy our tickets and pay our fees.

Did any of you see that another orphan from Christiana's orphanage has found a home?  "Tommy" has been chosen by Katie's family!  I am so happy for them.  I can only imagine how he will grow and thrive in such a loving and wonderful family.  If you haven't checked out their blog, or don't know who Katie is... you should take a look. 

The Musser family has been such an inspiration for me and Susanna has been such a kind, and wonderful friend. 

Now for the sad news.  Many of you know that my mother has been with hospice for the last 9 months.  After healing from NPH (hydrocephalus), she was diagnosed with cancer again.  After 7 years, her breast cancer had returned.  Unfortunately, it had returned in her spine, chest, brain, and other areas.  Due to her age, health, and the placement of the cancer... treatment wasn't an option.  For 9 months she enjoyed good spirits and a wonderful life. 

But a month ago, she began a sudden decline.  She is now very near the end of her journey.  It has been so hard to watch her deny her condition and make plans for the future.  It has been harder to see the cancer in her brain cause dementia, pain and anger.  My mother is one of the sweetest, kindest ladies on earth and seeing her suffer is heartbreaking. 

It has been even harder for my father.  He's 89 years old and has been married to my mother for 65 years.  His greatest fear has always been losing my mother. 

So please pray for our family.  For my mother, father, and sisters.  They all need it so much. 

A simple baby doll

On Tuesday, as I was shopping for groceries I happened to walk down the toy aisle.  I thought it would be fun to look at the pretty, girly toys and imagine buying them for my Christiana. 

As the mother of three sons, I've missed out on all of the girly fun.  From pretty dollies to princess costumes... I've always been a bit sad when I've looked at the girls' toys.  From the moment I discovered I was pregnant for the first time, I've had wistful dreams of eyelet dresses, tea sets, and dolls.  I think at some point, every mother daydreams of having a daughter. 

As I smiled at the bounty of pink in that aisle a small, soft "baby's first" doll caught my eye.  It seemed just the thing for our Christiana.  Small and soft... simple and cuddly.  A perfect first doll for our tiny girl. 

But then the realisation hit... this "baby's first" doll would really be her first doll.  Children in orphanages don't have toys of their own.  They don't have clothes of their own.  They don't have anything of their own at all.   The only things these children own are their names. 

In the "better" orphanages the children have toys to play with.  They don't have their own toys, but they do have toys to play with.  Christiana hasn't grown up in one of those "better" orphanages.  The orphanage where she's spent the first four and a half years of her life is at the other end of the spectrum.  Not only do the children there not have toys of their own, they don't have toys at all.  None. 

Can you imagine a small child being deprived of a simple ball... or a stuffed animal to love?  Can you even imagine how sad that is?  I can.  I did. 

As I stood in that toy aisle, holding that small, soft baby doll... it suddenly hit me just how little my daughter has had in her short life.  No mother, no father, no family.  No toys.... not even the comfort of a small, soft doll to hold when she's alone. 

So if any of you saw a lady in HEB on Tuesday, standing in the toy aisle and crying... that was me.