Why We're Adopting

Today a friend shared a conversation she had with a person who changed her mind about donating an item for our auction when she realized we were adopting Crista from overseas.  It was very sad and it frustrated my friend.  She has a kind and giving heart and was upset that someone would refuse to help a child just because she wasn't born in the United States.

I know that many people look at international adoption as a "status thing".   While I'm sure there are some people out there who adopt from abroad for that reason (they like the idea of an "exotic" or "special" child), most don't.  In fact, I've never met a single person adopting a special needs child internationally who thought this way.

When we decided to adopt our sweet daughter, it wasn't because we were planning to adopt a child or felt that our family needed to be larger.  The truth is... we felt a connection to this little girl.  It wasn't a case of "we want another child".  It was a case of "this child needs US".

We have been criticized for not saving/raising more money before beginning our adoption process.  The answer to that question (why didn't you wait) is pretty simple, too.  Crista's file was due to be returned to the ministry within two weeks unless someone stepped up to commit to her.  At the time, we thought this meant she would lose her only chance to be adopted because she is considered "un-adoptable" in her home country.  (Yes, I know some people would argue this point, but it it plainly and sadly stated in her referral paperwork)  We searched our hearts and took a leap of faith.  We decided that this sweet girl should be our daughter and we took the first steps needed to begin the adoption process.

We didn't realize that people would focus so much on where she was born!  In our minds, that was a minor detail.  Yes... travel would be a hurdle that we would have to overcome, but our focus was on her.  She needed a home, medical care and therapy and we could give those things to her.  After all, we already have a child who has autism and has needed many therapies and interventions in the past.  We felt good about the fact that we were already educated about and prepared for many of her special needs.

I know that there are many children here in the United States who need good and loving homes.  I know that the adoption of one of those children would be much less expensive and take less time.  I think domestic adoption is great.  It's a wonderful thing and needs to happen more often.  In the past, Jason and I had talked about domestic adoption as a "what if".

We never intended to adopt a child internationally.  But God chose differently for us.

I spent many hours praying and asking God if this was the path we should take.  I asked for guidance and a sign that we were doing the right thing.  I believe his answer was "yes".  Every time I've asked for guidance, I've gotten it in the form of encouragement from strangers, paperwork "miraculously" being processed super fast, receiving surprise donations or items or funds, and many other things.

I guess what I'm saying is please don't judge us if you don't know us.  We're not looking adopting from abroad because we want a "status child" or because we don't believe American children aren't just as deserving of a loving home.  We're adopting Crista from overseas because that's where she is!  If she had been born here, we would be adopting her domestically.  Heck, if she had been born on Mars, I would be trying to figure out how to book a space flight!  (just joking... kind of)

The point is... it doesn't matter where she was born.  She's a child and we're her family.  That's really all that should matter.

This is it!

This is it, folks.   We got our written referral on Thursday and our travel dates on Saturday. 

Are you ready... I travel on October 26th.  Yes, you read that right... I travel on FRIDAY... this friday.

We're not yet funded for this trip and I need to arrange and pay for plane tickets tomorrow, somehow!  Pray for us, folks.  We really need it right now. 

On the plus side... all of our other issues are working out well.  We were told that my husband's plant would be closed next week (we would lose a week's pay) due to an issue of some sort.  That plus the week that he would have had to take off for me to travel would have really hurt us financially.  But since our travel dates overlap the plant closure... we won't have to worry since we planned ahead to cover the missed paycheck during travel week! 

To me, that says that God is looking out for us and intends for me to be able to travel on Friday! 

So... if you can, please help us by donating to our Chipin account.  We still need to raise quite a bit in order to be fully funded for this trip. 
If you can't donate, please consider sharing our story with others.

We have a referral!

Well... we have our verbal referral for Chrisiana!  Once the minister signs our referral it will be official and we will have a written referral and recieve our travel dates!  Those are the dates that we will be asked to visit her country and spend time with her. 

In about a month (give or take) I could be in Bulgaria meeting my daughter!  How amazing is that? 

Thanks to our Facebook auctions and the help of Ten For Orphans and Anonymous Angels, we're now only $4600 away from being fully funded for our first trip! 

Starting Monday, October 1, Hidden Treasures Auction will be holding an auction to benefit our adoption.  It will run from October 1-7.  Please check it out.  There are lots of great items that would make wonderful Christmas gifts!  All of the proceeds will go directly to our adoption fund. 

Right now, we have two fundraisers running thanks to the generosity of some wonderful women.  The first is an Ava Anderson fundraiser that ends in just a few days...

"Just a few more days to place an order for Ava Anderson Non Toxic products with the proceeds going towards Carissa's adoption! Please consider ordering something. I LOVE all the products and love that they are safe for my family! www.avaandersonnontoxic.com/faithjobes"

The second is a Scentsy party being given to benefit our adoption.  It runs through October 10th.  Just click on the party for the Matthews Family Fundraiser to shop.  https://uncandles.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Buy/SetupPrompt

Pray hard

Pray hard folks.  We've been told that our dossier should be reviewed within the next 24 hours or so. 
That means... IF we're approved (they could ask for more information or more documents) we should have a "verbal referral". 
Once we have our verbal referral, it's just a matter of a couple of weeks before we're given a "written referral" (the minister's signature on our paperwork) and issued travel dates! 

That means that within a month, if we're lucky... we could be meeting our daughter for the first time. 

Pray hard, friends.  We're at the point of travel and we're still very under-funded. 

Years Ago

Years ago I would tell my mom about my friend Ashley and her journey to adopt a little Serbian girl named Olive.  Olive the tiny... Olive the beautiful. 

My mom would ask about her... wondering how she was doing.  She would ask how she was adjusting to life in a family... with people who love her. 

Later I would tell my mom about Faith.  I would talk to her about Faith's journey to adopt Robyn and then her decision to adopt Etta. I would tell her about all of the other mothers I was meeting online.... about the lives of these children without families. 

During this time my Mom would ask "Why do these people spend money they don't have to adopt from over there when there are children here at home that could be adopted for so much less?  If they want another child, why not get one here?".  Like many of you, she didn't understand why they spent so much money and travelled so far.  She didn't understand why they did things "the hard way".

My mom would hear countless stories about Susanna and her mission to save little Katie... and how close she came to losing her before she ever came home.  Katie-bird was so fragile when Susanna travelled to her country to bring her home that she had to spend time in the hospital... and then have a nurse travel with them on their journey home so that Katie could survive the trip home to a larger hospital.  It was frightening... and inspiring.  Mom loved to hear Katie's story and to know that she was healing.  That she was cherished and loved. 

In hearing Katie's story and following it, my Mom finally learned those people did things "the hard way".  She no longer criticised or thought "they're crazy/stupid/idiotic" for adopting sick children who lived half way across the world... children who weren't healthy and would need a lifetime of care.  She understood. 

The day I told her that Jason and I were committing to adopt Christiana and told her all of the issues that we knew of and some that we only suspect... I expected to hear "adopt one at home", "you already have one disabled child, you don't need another", "how will you pay for it", "you can't handle it".  I expected her to disapprove.  I expected her to have the same attitude that others around me had - that it's fine and noble for people to adopt sick/disabled children, but it's not something "we" (family and friends) want to have in our own homes. 

I underestimated my mother.  Not only was she not critical of our decision, she and RaRa (grandma Rita) became our biggest supporters.  She shared our story at church and with everyone she knew.  She and Daddy put Christiana's photograph in their living room for everyone to see.  They told everyone about their newest grandchild-to-be, the little girl across the sea.  Even her hospice nurse knows all about Christiana and our adoption journey.  Her name is Crystal and she may be beginning the same journey soon. 

My mother passed away on Wednesday evening and I don't know how to live without her. 

Since my oldest son James was born (and Mom retired), we've spent almost every day of our lives together.  And when we couldn't see each other due to illness or life interrupting... we spoke on the phone.  She has been my best friend for the last 7 years.  She's been the person I turned to first after my husband who is the other half of my heart and soul.  She's been my cheerleader, my rock, my inspiration. She taught me how to raise my children and that it's OK to be less than perfect.  She taught me how to love unconditionally... to give without expecting anything in return because the greatest reward isn't in the receiving, it's in the giving.  It's in seeing a face light up with joy. 

I walk though life thinking things like "Mom would love those earrings" and "I should tell Mom about that".  But I can't.  I can't buy her pretty things anymore or share the latest news.  I have a loving husband, and loving Rita, and 3 beautiful. loving sons.  But I feel alone in a crowd.  No one will ever understand me (and misunderstand me) the way my Mom did. 

I've learned one thing from my Mom's death.  I've learned the last lesson she had to teach me - that no matter how old you are, your mother is the center of your heart.  I've learned how very much my children must love and need me.

I've learned how vital a mother is to a child. 

Soon... we will have travel dates.  We will have permission to meet our daughter across the sea.  Knowing how much she must need me, even if she doesn't know it, yet breaks my heart. 

Please... please help us get to her.  Help me give my daughter what my Mom gave me.  Love.  Unconditional and eternal love.  Help me hold her and teach her a mother's love for her child. 

Why adopt from overseas?

I've been asked this question alot.  I thought it would be good to talk about it. 
The answer to that question is this... because that's where she is. 

Jason and I had had conversations in the past about adoption as a possibility.  To be very honest, back then we would have probably adopted through the foster system.  It costs less and the children here in the US deserve a good family just as much as any other child does.  We also wouldn't have such a language barrier to deal with.  We probably would have adopted a healthy child as well.  Back then... we thought that having a healthy child was very important. 

But then a couple of years ago I discovered Reece's Rainbow and began to learn about the truly heartbreaking lives these poor children lead.  I learned that some of them spend their whole lives in cribs and never learn to walk, talk, feed themselves, or PLAY.  Not because they're ill or they're too disabled to learn... but because they're left ALONE all day every day.  They're only given the most basic care (one meal a day... one diaper change a day) and sometimes not even that.

 Can you imagine a 10 year old who only weighs 10 lbs?  I can.  Can you imagine a 14 year old who only weighs 14 lbs and already has osteoporosis due to malnutrition?  I can.  Her name is Hasya.  The only reason for her small size and her condition is neglect.  She's been starved, neglected and abused her whole life.  She's spend her whole life in a crib.  She's the size of the average six month old BABY.

 Do you see this sweet girl?  Do you see where she's spent her whole life?  Day after day... every day?  How can anyone see this and NOT want to help? 

I've been helping find homes for these children for a while.  I've been helping families fundraise and spread awareness... and I've been donating to those families to bring their children home because it was all I felt like I could do. 

Then God called Jason and I to adopt.  I know that putting it that way may sound silly to some of you, but that's really how it was.... how it is.  We both felt called to do this.  And we both fell in love with this little girl...

Do you see her biting her lip? Do you see her holding the bear upside down?  How nervous she must be... maybe even a bit scared.  Until we got our updated photo of her in March, this was the ONLY photo of her. 

So this is another answer to the question "why go overseas to adopt?".  That question actually has many answers, but the most important one is still "because that's where she is". 

At the end of the day... it doesn't matter to Jason and I where she lives.  Sure, we would be happier if we didn't have to travel half way across the globe to get to her, but we will.  We would be happier if her adoption costs weren't so high, but we'll pay them... no matter what they are. 

If you're still asking "why" about all the difficult things we'll have to do in order to bring her home...the final answer is "because she's worth it".  They all are... every last child in this world is worth helping, worth saving.  Every child in the world... no matter where they're from is worth helping... worth saving.  Every last one of them. 

Jigsaw fundraiser!

JIGSAW PUZZLE FUNDRAISER

We are building our family, one puzzle piece at a time, literally! You can help us construct a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and bring our daughter home.

For just $5, you can have your name inscribed on the back of a piece of our adoption puzzle! Once it's completed, the puzzle will be framed between two sheets of glass, so that Christiana can see the beautiful picture on the front and the names of all the people who helped to bring her home to her forever family.

We look forward to showing you the stages of building our jigsaw puzzle and to sharing our journey of adoption. Through our blog, you can post comments and prayers, view photos and updates and make online donations.

If you look to the right side of this page, you'll see a "Chipin" button and a Reece's Rainbow FSP donation button.  You can donate to either by clicking on the "donate" or "chipin" buttons.  The Chipin link helps with our immediate adoption costs and isn't tax deductible.  The Reece's Rainbow button will help us with our later costs (like travel, visas, etc) and is tax deductible. 

Please remember to leave a comment here or email us after donating so we can put your name on your puzzle piece! 

If you'd like to mail a donation, please email Jason or Lisa at

infamy41@hot.rr.com or rhianonmat@hot.rr.com

Thank you for helping us grow our family and give a precious little girl the gift of a loving home and family!