Why We're Adopting

Today a friend shared a conversation she had with a person who changed her mind about donating an item for our auction when she realized we were adopting Crista from overseas.  It was very sad and it frustrated my friend.  She has a kind and giving heart and was upset that someone would refuse to help a child just because she wasn't born in the United States.

I know that many people look at international adoption as a "status thing".   While I'm sure there are some people out there who adopt from abroad for that reason (they like the idea of an "exotic" or "special" child), most don't.  In fact, I've never met a single person adopting a special needs child internationally who thought this way.

When we decided to adopt our sweet daughter, it wasn't because we were planning to adopt a child or felt that our family needed to be larger.  The truth is... we felt a connection to this little girl.  It wasn't a case of "we want another child".  It was a case of "this child needs US".

We have been criticized for not saving/raising more money before beginning our adoption process.  The answer to that question (why didn't you wait) is pretty simple, too.  Crista's file was due to be returned to the ministry within two weeks unless someone stepped up to commit to her.  At the time, we thought this meant she would lose her only chance to be adopted because she is considered "un-adoptable" in her home country.  (Yes, I know some people would argue this point, but it it plainly and sadly stated in her referral paperwork)  We searched our hearts and took a leap of faith.  We decided that this sweet girl should be our daughter and we took the first steps needed to begin the adoption process.

We didn't realize that people would focus so much on where she was born!  In our minds, that was a minor detail.  Yes... travel would be a hurdle that we would have to overcome, but our focus was on her.  She needed a home, medical care and therapy and we could give those things to her.  After all, we already have a child who has autism and has needed many therapies and interventions in the past.  We felt good about the fact that we were already educated about and prepared for many of her special needs.

I know that there are many children here in the United States who need good and loving homes.  I know that the adoption of one of those children would be much less expensive and take less time.  I think domestic adoption is great.  It's a wonderful thing and needs to happen more often.  In the past, Jason and I had talked about domestic adoption as a "what if".

We never intended to adopt a child internationally.  But God chose differently for us.

I spent many hours praying and asking God if this was the path we should take.  I asked for guidance and a sign that we were doing the right thing.  I believe his answer was "yes".  Every time I've asked for guidance, I've gotten it in the form of encouragement from strangers, paperwork "miraculously" being processed super fast, receiving surprise donations or items or funds, and many other things.

I guess what I'm saying is please don't judge us if you don't know us.  We're not looking adopting from abroad because we want a "status child" or because we don't believe American children aren't just as deserving of a loving home.  We're adopting Crista from overseas because that's where she is!  If she had been born here, we would be adopting her domestically.  Heck, if she had been born on Mars, I would be trying to figure out how to book a space flight!  (just joking... kind of)

The point is... it doesn't matter where she was born.  She's a child and we're her family.  That's really all that should matter.

We have a referral!

Well... we have our verbal referral for Chrisiana!  Once the minister signs our referral it will be official and we will have a written referral and recieve our travel dates!  Those are the dates that we will be asked to visit her country and spend time with her. 

In about a month (give or take) I could be in Bulgaria meeting my daughter!  How amazing is that? 

Thanks to our Facebook auctions and the help of Ten For Orphans and Anonymous Angels, we're now only $4600 away from being fully funded for our first trip! 

Starting Monday, October 1, Hidden Treasures Auction will be holding an auction to benefit our adoption.  It will run from October 1-7.  Please check it out.  There are lots of great items that would make wonderful Christmas gifts!  All of the proceeds will go directly to our adoption fund. 

Right now, we have two fundraisers running thanks to the generosity of some wonderful women.  The first is an Ava Anderson fundraiser that ends in just a few days...

"Just a few more days to place an order for Ava Anderson Non Toxic products with the proceeds going towards Carissa's adoption! Please consider ordering something. I LOVE all the products and love that they are safe for my family! www.avaandersonnontoxic.com/faithjobes"

The second is a Scentsy party being given to benefit our adoption.  It runs through October 10th.  Just click on the party for the Matthews Family Fundraiser to shop.  https://uncandles.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Buy/SetupPrompt

Mother Teresa

I've been reading about Mother Teresa lately.  She's someone I really admire.  Did you know that she started life in a wealthy eastern European country?  That's just a few hundred miles from Bulgaria... where my darling is.

There are so many things that I like about her.  The fact that she cared for orphans is just one of them.  I also love that she focused her care and attention on those that the world often overlooks... the poor and the dying.

What surprises me is the criticism she received.... particularly about the hospices that she founded.  Critics say that she was too focused on comforting the dying instead of trying to heal them.  They say that if she really wanted to help them she should have founded hospitals instead. 

The thing is... hospitals are for the living.  They don't want the poorest of the poor.  They want people who have a chance of surviving... and paying for their treatment.  That's not a criticism of hospitals.  It's just how they work.  Mother Teresa's focus was on those who were turned away from the hospitals... those who were left on the streets of India to suffer and die alone.  She offered them shelter and comfort.  It didn't matter if they were Christian, Muslim, Hindu or any other faith.  There was a place for them, those who had no place in society. 

She said she was called to help the poorest of the poor.  And she did that. 

The funny thing about her critics is this... none of them founded the hospitals that they said SHE should build.  None of them offered healing or comfort to the dying like she did.  They fed no one.  They held no hands.  Her critics were journalists who did nothing to help the world in any real way.  They wrote books and articles.  They shouted their opinions to the media.  But that's all they did. 

What she did was more that speak and write.  She went out and held people.  She fed and clothed them.  She found homes for orphans and gave mothers a place to give birth in safety.  She and her sisters held the hands of the dying and helped them find peace and comfort before they passed away.  She made a real difference in the lives that she touched. 

She set an example for us all.  The sad thing is... most of us who admire her don't understand the example she set, or WHY she did the things she did.  Most of us seem to have missed the message entirely.

You see, she understood that the smallest things mean the most.  She knew that she couldn't just sit back and expect others to do the little things that need doing in order to make the world a better place for us all.  She followed the example and philosophy of Saint Therese of Lisieux, a 19th century Carmelite nun who pioneered the "Little Way".  The Little Way was focused on doing small things, with great love, for God. 

Our society today is almost completely focused on the "big picture".  There is little interest in the small things.  "The ends justify the means" should really be the motto for our governments and businesses here in the west.  Small things and great love seem to be forgotten entirely. 

I haven't finished reading about her, yet.  But already I understand why many people consider her a modern saint.  I wish more people could understand who she was and what she really did.  The world needs more true heroes... more people who understand that the small things done with great love are the things that really matter in life. 

Ksenia

http://reecesrainbow.org/32168/ksenia-k


I'm reposting this blog from my friend Katie Beth's site.  This little angel needs a home desperately and can only be adopted by a Canadian family.  Her region will only accept Canadian families... otherwise this girl would have been in a home LONG ago.  

Can you help her by reading this blog post and sharing it... and her information with everyone you know?  Please help us find Ksenia's family before it's too late.



http://callmecrazycbus.blogspot.com/2012/05/not-too-late.html

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Not Too Late

I have been humbled this week. Humbled by a little girl, in a far away country... who I have never met. Sounds familiar, right? But no... this is different.

Meet Ksenia.

I may have mentioned her before. I'm not sure - I tried going back through my blog archives, but I talk too much. Ksenia is in Eastern Europe. She is in a region that is currently only open to Canadian families. If you are not among them, please do not stop reading here. You are still desperately needed.

This photo was taken at her Baby House (the orphanage where children generally reside between the ages of 0-5 years). What a precious little cherub, chubby cheeks, wispy hair.

Ksenia is nine years old now. She was born three months before my middle DBK, my A. This A, the one glowing with joy and life in this birthday picture.

My dear A has not had it easy... but at least on this day... her ninth birthday... she was treated the way a little girl should be treated... like a princess...

I wonder if Ksenia ever had cake. I'll bet she never had a birthday cake with candles, just for her. I know she didn't this year, when she turned nine. Why?

In Ksenia's country, after children 'age out' of their baby houses, they are transferred to institutions. Adult mental institutions. The standard of care there, if it was low at the baby houses, is usually deplorable. Ksenia, like many children, aged out of her baby house and was transferred. I intend to do a full post on the implications of that word, but that is for later. For now, I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

A new picture of Ksenia came in after she was transferred to the institution. Here is that chubby cheeked little cherub now.

Ksenia. Sweet baby girl. Child of God. Wasting away to skin and bones. Filthy. Shaven. Injured... probably at the hands of someone who was supposed to care for her. Abuse is all too common in some orphanages and institutions. Ksenia. Sweet angel. Waiting, all this time, for a Mama and Papa to come. Hanging on through her misery. Unable to do a single thing to help herself. Precious girl. Treated like nothing.

This picture haunts me. I see it when I close my eyes. I don't need to bring it up on my computer screen to remember how heartbreaking it is. I can see them side by side... Ksenia the way she used to be... Ksenia the way she is now. Because of what was done to her... when she should be treated like the princess she is.


Here is the reason I am posting about Ksenia tonight.


Sometimes, special needs children simply 'disappear' from the databases that list them. Sometimes their files are simply no longer with an agency. Sometimes they're gone, without a trace, and we can only guess at what happened to them. Were they adopted, seen for the beautiful individuals they are, in their native country? Were they transferred elsewhere and simply not relisted? Or... worst of all... as children do in orphanages and institutions across the world every day... could they have passed away?

A few days back, Ksenia 'disappeared' from her country's database. She disappeared from Reece's Rainbow. Having seen her most recent picture, most of us were sure this meant the worst for Ksenia. Or no. Perhaps not the worst. Perhaps... a fate worse than death... is the one she's been living in that institution. We began to think, maybe it is for the best, if she's beyond pain, beyond suffering, with Jesus, now.

Ksenia was re-listed today. She is alive. She is still waiting. I praise the Lord for His deliverance of this angel from what we were sure was a tragic end. But at the same time, my heart breaks all over again, because I know that tonight, while I lie here warm in my bed, Ksenia still waits.



We almost lost her. We were sure she was gone. We were sure we were too late to help this little girl know the love of a Forever Family. We mourned. We lamented that we should have tried harder, should have screamed louder, for Ksenia. She sat, waiting for adoption, for YEARS... and no family came forward. Perhaps they all thought someone else would do it.

Our hearts broke.

Then, we were given a second chance. We didn't lose Ksenia. Not yet. But if we don't hurry, we will. This is me, jumping at this second chance. This is me screaming for Ksenia like I should have screamed before. This is me praying, hoping, begging someone to be her Mama, to deliver her from this evil, because I would do it myself if I could... but I'm ineligible.

Here is Ksenia's listing on Reece's Rainbow. Again, she can only be adopted by Canadian families at this time. If you are not Canadian, won't you consider sharing Ksenia with everyone you know, so that through the grapevine, her Forever Family might see her? If you are Canadian, won't you consider sharing Ksenia with everyone you know, so that she might find her Forever Family? Won't you ask your friends to share too? And if you are Canadian, considering adoption... won't you consider Ksenia? Won't you consider saving a life we've been given a second chance to redeem? Donations are not being collected at this time, but I know dozens who are just itching to help bring her home. The obstacle in her adoption will not be financial.

This precious angel has Down Syndrome. That is the crime that has landed her in the place she is today. Down Syndrome. A diagnosis that means many things. An extra chromosome. Some unique challenges. But a diagnosis that should NOT mean living out her numbered days suffering in an institution. Sadly, in Ksenia's country, it usually does. But this doesn't have to be her ending. It almost was. We were sure that her story ended in tragedy. But it hasn't. Not yet.

Ksenia still has a chance. But whether you're eligible and considering adoption, ineligible, not considering adoption, whoever you are, wherever you are... YOU are her chance. Her family will never see her if we do not share her short, sad story with the world.

Won't you help me make this 'second chance' count? Won't you please help me save her life?

Sweet Ksenia... hang on, precious angel. Someone is going to come for you. We're going to make sure of it.

Why adopt from overseas?

I've been asked this question alot.  I thought it would be good to talk about it. 
The answer to that question is this... because that's where she is. 

Jason and I had had conversations in the past about adoption as a possibility.  To be very honest, back then we would have probably adopted through the foster system.  It costs less and the children here in the US deserve a good family just as much as any other child does.  We also wouldn't have such a language barrier to deal with.  We probably would have adopted a healthy child as well.  Back then... we thought that having a healthy child was very important. 

But then a couple of years ago I discovered Reece's Rainbow and began to learn about the truly heartbreaking lives these poor children lead.  I learned that some of them spend their whole lives in cribs and never learn to walk, talk, feed themselves, or PLAY.  Not because they're ill or they're too disabled to learn... but because they're left ALONE all day every day.  They're only given the most basic care (one meal a day... one diaper change a day) and sometimes not even that.

 Can you imagine a 10 year old who only weighs 10 lbs?  I can.  Can you imagine a 14 year old who only weighs 14 lbs and already has osteoporosis due to malnutrition?  I can.  Her name is Hasya.  The only reason for her small size and her condition is neglect.  She's been starved, neglected and abused her whole life.  She's spend her whole life in a crib.  She's the size of the average six month old BABY.

 Do you see this sweet girl?  Do you see where she's spent her whole life?  Day after day... every day?  How can anyone see this and NOT want to help? 

I've been helping find homes for these children for a while.  I've been helping families fundraise and spread awareness... and I've been donating to those families to bring their children home because it was all I felt like I could do. 

Then God called Jason and I to adopt.  I know that putting it that way may sound silly to some of you, but that's really how it was.... how it is.  We both felt called to do this.  And we both fell in love with this little girl...

Do you see her biting her lip? Do you see her holding the bear upside down?  How nervous she must be... maybe even a bit scared.  Until we got our updated photo of her in March, this was the ONLY photo of her. 

So this is another answer to the question "why go overseas to adopt?".  That question actually has many answers, but the most important one is still "because that's where she is". 

At the end of the day... it doesn't matter to Jason and I where she lives.  Sure, we would be happier if we didn't have to travel half way across the globe to get to her, but we will.  We would be happier if her adoption costs weren't so high, but we'll pay them... no matter what they are. 

If you're still asking "why" about all the difficult things we'll have to do in order to bring her home...the final answer is "because she's worth it".  They all are... every last child in this world is worth helping, worth saving.  Every child in the world... no matter where they're from is worth helping... worth saving.  Every last one of them. 

Update... Sarah's Smile

Sarah has a forever family!  Just as time was running out for her a family has committed to adopt sweet little Sarah!  Thank you to everyone who has prayed and advocated for this sweet little girl!



Jigsaw fundraiser!

JIGSAW PUZZLE FUNDRAISER

We are building our family, one puzzle piece at a time, literally! You can help us construct a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and bring our daughter home.

For just $5, you can have your name inscribed on the back of a piece of our adoption puzzle! Once it's completed, the puzzle will be framed between two sheets of glass, so that Christiana can see the beautiful picture on the front and the names of all the people who helped to bring her home to her forever family.

We look forward to showing you the stages of building our jigsaw puzzle and to sharing our journey of adoption. Through our blog, you can post comments and prayers, view photos and updates and make online donations.

If you look to the right side of this page, you'll see a "Chipin" button and a Reece's Rainbow FSP donation button.  You can donate to either by clicking on the "donate" or "chipin" buttons.  The Chipin link helps with our immediate adoption costs and isn't tax deductible.  The Reece's Rainbow button will help us with our later costs (like travel, visas, etc) and is tax deductible. 

Please remember to leave a comment here or email us after donating so we can put your name on your puzzle piece! 

If you'd like to mail a donation, please email Jason or Lisa at

infamy41@hot.rr.com or rhianonmat@hot.rr.com

Thank you for helping us grow our family and give a precious little girl the gift of a loving home and family!

A simple baby doll

On Tuesday, as I was shopping for groceries I happened to walk down the toy aisle.  I thought it would be fun to look at the pretty, girly toys and imagine buying them for my Christiana. 

As the mother of three sons, I've missed out on all of the girly fun.  From pretty dollies to princess costumes... I've always been a bit sad when I've looked at the girls' toys.  From the moment I discovered I was pregnant for the first time, I've had wistful dreams of eyelet dresses, tea sets, and dolls.  I think at some point, every mother daydreams of having a daughter. 

As I smiled at the bounty of pink in that aisle a small, soft "baby's first" doll caught my eye.  It seemed just the thing for our Christiana.  Small and soft... simple and cuddly.  A perfect first doll for our tiny girl. 

But then the realisation hit... this "baby's first" doll would really be her first doll.  Children in orphanages don't have toys of their own.  They don't have clothes of their own.  They don't have anything of their own at all.   The only things these children own are their names. 

In the "better" orphanages the children have toys to play with.  They don't have their own toys, but they do have toys to play with.  Christiana hasn't grown up in one of those "better" orphanages.  The orphanage where she's spent the first four and a half years of her life is at the other end of the spectrum.  Not only do the children there not have toys of their own, they don't have toys at all.  None. 

Can you imagine a small child being deprived of a simple ball... or a stuffed animal to love?  Can you even imagine how sad that is?  I can.  I did. 

As I stood in that toy aisle, holding that small, soft baby doll... it suddenly hit me just how little my daughter has had in her short life.  No mother, no father, no family.  No toys.... not even the comfort of a small, soft doll to hold when she's alone. 

So if any of you saw a lady in HEB on Tuesday, standing in the toy aisle and crying... that was me.

Woo Hoo!  It's official folks!  We are finally able to announce that we are officially adopting our Christiana and we are so excited.  Our Family Sponsorship fund has been set up on Reece's Rainbow and we're finally free to shout our joy from the rooftops! 
Meet our future daughter... Miss Christiana....

Sarah's smile...

God’s people are commanded to care for orphans. To see an orphan afflicted, and to turn a deaf ear, is sin, even rebellion.
· Exodus 22:22, “You shall not afflict any widow or orphan.”

How true this is.  I don't understand how people can turn away from these children... from this child. 
This is Sarah.  Isn't she beautiful.  She's so precious.  She's in the same orphanage with our girl.  Of all the children who have been listed for adoption so far, she's the only one who has had NO ONE inquire about adopting her.  Why, you may ask... because she's blind.  She was born with cataracts on her lenses. 
But just look at her... so lovely... so sweet.  Should the fact that she's blind make her less deserving of a loving family... less lovely or sweet? 

Isn't she beautiful... didn't I tell you?  Now let me show you a different photo... a photo of the same girl, but showing how sad.. how desperate and frightened she is.  This is a frightened child... without comfort... without a mama to tell her it will be alright... to hold and comfort her.

Please someone let this child into your heart.  She's crying out for a family and she only has until May.  Then the agency will have to return her file.  Please don't let this be the only little girl who isn't rescued from the "bad place".  What you may not realize is this... where she is, she has no future.  Because she's disabled, she'll be placed in an adult mental institution.  When disabled children are placed in those places... over 80% of them die during their first year.  How much of a chance do you think a tiny little blind girl has? 

Please, please consider opening your hearts and your home to this precious girl... to Sarah.  Don't turn your back on this little girl... don't be the reason that one more child in this world has to suffer.

A busy week so far

This week has already exhausted me... and it's only Tuesday! 

So far this week we've compiled and notarized our commitment paperwork to send to our daughter's birth country.  Yesterday I had to drive those documents to Austin to have them apostilled.  For those who don't know... apostilling is basically having an official government seal placed on notarized documents.  It's necessary for any documents that we have to send overseas.  For state and local ones... we have the apostilled at our state capital.  For others like our FBI background checks, they have to be sent to Washington DC to the Secretary of State's office to be apostilled. 

So yes... lots of printing papers, filling them out, getting them notarized and then driving for hours to get them apostilled.  ha ha. 

We've also gotten fingerprinted and sent them off along with our request for an official FBI background check. 

This morning... I took our apostilled commitment paperwork to the post office and sent it "next day" to a family who is also adopting from the same country that we are... and using the same adoption agency.  They'll be hand delivering our papers to our adoption attorney when they arrive in that country to see their own child.  I'm so very grateful to them for this.  First... because this means our paperwork won't get "lost in the mail" and second because this will save us a lot of time.  Because unless you want to pay a small fortune to FedEx... international mail is S-L-O-W. 


These are all the things I've accomplished just on Monday and Tuesday!  lol  For the rest of the week... I get to start more paperwork, start compiling our letters of employment and reference, and start the online adoption classes that are required for our adoption.  We each have to take a series of classes on topics like "attachment issues", "medical issues with internationally adopted children", and others.  Lots to learn. 

Although we're only required to take 10 hours of classes, I'm considering taking all of the classes offered.  It can't hurt and can only help, right?  More education is always a good thing and if it means I'll be better prepared to welcome her home... I'm all for it!

So that's it for the nuts and bolts post this week.  It's been busy, but so rewarding.

We're adopting!

I've had a couple of surprised friends who missed our announcement. 

We're adopting!  

We're trying very hard to adopt a sweet, tiny little four year old girl.  She has some delays like Deacon does, but that's not what matters.  What matters is that she will hopefully become a Matthews.  What matters is that we want her and are willing to go out on a rather thin financial limb to get her. 

Friends, we're discovering that adoption is a difficult, expensive adventure.  So in the future be ready to see announcements for fundraisers, giveaways, contests, tournaments... you name it.... we're going to be doing it in order to bring our sweet little bird home. 

While you're looking around at our blog... you may notice a Chipin button on the right.  All it takes is a click to donate to our adoption fund through Paypal.  Give it a try.  lol  It's super easy!

Momjoy

We've all had them... those days when everything is chaos. Those days when your four year old cuts his own hair, the two year old decides to paint the sofa with pudding, and the 6 year old argues like a southern lawyer who's billing by the hour.



Days like that sometimes make us want to put the kids to bed at five and then collapse into a twitching heap on the bed. And while many people would want to trade away those days... I wouldn't.



As trying as those crazy days are, they're also rewarding and precious.



Take a moment to look at the things that happen on those crazy, stressful days in a new light.



Sure it's aggravating when the four year old cuts his hair, but it's also a show of independence - a way to say "hey - I want shorter hair" or "I can do it myself". For an autistic 4 year old with developmental delays... it's a big step and an important milestone.



The two year old painting with pudding... well, I would be happier if he would paint something that could be wiped down instead of steam-cleaned, but still... My little man is creating art and expressing himself. He's exploring textures and learning to change his environment. He's joyous and happy when he's painting the furniture. I mourn for the stains and dread the tedious cleanup, but his smiling, joyous face more than repays any stress his creative tendencies cause. When he says "sorry mama" and hugs me... all is forgiven.



The six year old's sassy mouth is probably the most aggravating of all. This child does NOT like to "take no for an answer" and will try to convince you to see/do things his way. He'll keep trying for hours. The boy is tenacious. The flip-side of this is... he's clever. He's very intelligent and is becoming very eloquent and very persuasive. His vocabulary is expanding and his grasp of how to use logic and reason to persuade is amazing. He'll be a huge asset to his high school debate team someday. lol



My friends, beauty can be found everywhere and so can joy. I've been asked many times how I keep my sanity in such a small house with 3 small boys, a husband and four dogs. I've been told that I'm crazy for wanting to add another child to our family.



The thing is... I love my family. I adore my husband and I am absolutely in love with my children. They make me happy. Motherhood makes me happy... it fulfills me.



I can't wait to add to our family... to be able to share this wonderful, chaotic, loving life with a small, sweet soul from eastern Europe.